So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
