I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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