She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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