im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
