Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
