uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
People in love make me want to vomit
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
