i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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