Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
