you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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