my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
