I wish my penis had an off switch
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize