That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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