I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
