Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
