big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
