So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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