I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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