fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
