i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize