just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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