Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This house was built for laser tag.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
