So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
