Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Shame is for Republicans.
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