i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
