I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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