Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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