i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
