I wannas sexs uuuuu
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
