Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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