Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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