i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
