I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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