yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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