I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
