can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize