She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
