By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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