maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
