so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.