I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.