Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.