I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".