does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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