we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.