Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
