The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
