Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize