Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
