if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
