Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
