and my herpes radar will keep us safe
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize