if you like me you must not know who I am
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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