I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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