You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
