Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
