do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
