I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
