I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
