i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
