even my farts smell like vagina
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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