I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
