too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
