I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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