Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
