true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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