He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
