Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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