there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
