i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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