I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
